Although I’ve been blogging at a different site for the past several years as a parenting intervention, I’ve decided I need a different blog where I’m not a five or ten year old. I’ve done a horrible job of containing my perfectionism as I bought this domain in August and just couldn’t find the “right way” to start. Given my procrastination, I’ve had lots of terrifying thoughts. To give a few examples, “if I don’t start out brilliantly, no one will follow me. Worse yet, my friends won’t even want to hang out.” “I’ll officially be deemed a narcissist who is selfish, ambitious, and needs friends who don’t have to deal with her.” “I will no longer be able to hide behind being a five or ten year old so my horrible writing will be EXPOSED”. “Who do I think I am that people will want to read my blog?” “That’s a stupid idea for a first blog, try again.” “You are so not funny, don’t let everyone else see that.” “You’re going to be an embarrassment.” “What will you say? You’re too stressed out to make any type of wise observations.” “You can’t even get the dishes done in a timely manner, who are you to start yet another project.”
So to the above voices, this first blog post is to put up a proverbial middle finger (my mom will not approve). It is to say, I’m becoming comfortable in my own skin and refuse to listen to that perfectionistic nonsense. Further, this post is about owning who I am and not needing parantheses, or explanations, or on and on and on. It’s about wanting to connect with others, even people who I could only meet online. It’s about being fierce and courageous. It’s about not being afraid that I’ll sound clinical, stuffy, distant, stupid, and just being even if it is any of those things. It’s about trying to be a better writer and I’ve heard blogging can do just that. It’s also about wanting to practice the discipline of observing and being present and writing about these things helps hold me accountable to being just that, present.
So welcome to my first blog post. May you stay awhile. Connect. May you put me on your reader so we can become even more acquainted in months to come. And may you share about yourself. Courageously. Fearlessly. To hell with perfectionistic voices (my mother still will not approve) and onward towards connection within ourselves and each other.
Also blogging at www.esquaredadventureswithmom.blogspot.com for a different type of sanity.